Rutabaga Dreams

Getting my sleep in two hour chunks is really starting to put a damper on my energy levels. I think Gregory is working on a couple more teeth because not only is he drooling like a madman and chewing on everything he can shove in his mouth, he is also no longer sleeping for those wonderful long stretches. Oh well, this too shall pass. At least he’s reasonably cheerful most of the time, even if his mother is starting to feel like something the cat dragged in. I’ve been sleeping in a bit (i.e. as long as I can get away with, until Matt and/or Emma comes in to poke me) but I really don’t like doing that because it is really throwing off the rest of our day. Our little “homeschooling block” has been pretty much non-existent, and the cleaning has been rather sporadic. I didn’t even get around to planning menus this week, so we ended up with soup from the freezer one night and our three quick back-up meals the other nights (i.e. perogi from Trader Joe’s, spaghetti, and stir-fry) But we have been doing a lot of reading, puzzles, pretend picnics and playing outside, so I’m not too disappointed.

We did get over to my parent’s on Wednesday and I started a compost heap, moved all the weeds my dad had put in the planting bed and spread some grass clippings. At least he weeded the bed before piling all the stuff there, so really it worked out quite well. I think I’m going to water it again this weekend and perhaps plant next week. The soil seems fairly decent (and certainly quite a bit better than what we’re dealing with over here!) so I think it should work out well, so long as the dog doesn’t do too much digging in there! I’m so excited about it, I really hope things grow and we can get some pumpkins, popcorn, and winter squash out of it. I also found some somewhat old cantaloupe and watermelon seeds so I think I’m going to try those too. I certainly have the room for them, and oh what a luxury that is!!

Today we were poking around outside after I hung some laundry out to dry (ah, finally warm and sunny enough to dry things outside!) and Emma spotted an insect racing around on the dirt. Upon closer examination we saw that it was a rather large brown and white moth, with a body about an inch and a quarter long and fairly thick. What was really fascinating about it was that the wings were still quite shriveled, and it looked like it was trying to stretch them. As we watched, we could see the wings gradually getting bigger and fuller, and the markings became much more obvious and clear. It must have just recently emerged from its cocoon - I have never seen anything like that! When we came back inside we pulled out the Butterflies and Moths book I picked up a couple years ago from a Friends of the Library book sale and we read all about them. What a wonderful and memorable experience for both of us, and right in our tiny little suburban backyard.

I just had my book group over for the evening, and it went well. We discussed The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell, and it was a better discussion than I expected. This book group has such a wide variety of readers, I really wasn’t sure how it would be received. I originally didn’t pick it because I really love the book and I didn’t want to see it panned, and also because it is not a book that would appeal to people who tend to read fluffier stuff. As an example of the differences in the group, our next book is Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Let’s just say I am not looking forward to that one… Gregory decided that the events transpiring downstairs were just far too interesting, so he ended up staying up the whole time. He was reasonably happy, so it worked out well. Besides, I always enjoy an opportunity to have people admire my baby!

My mom ended up having Emma for most of the day today, because she took her to gymnastics this morning then they went to a movie in the afternoon. She also stayed for dinner over there, so I had a very quiet day. I felt like I was just trying to fill the time, doing this and that to get ready for people coming over tonight (I made brownies and lemon squares, yum!) and to keep Gregory entertained and happy. I really much prefer having both of my children around! It seems so much easier to take care of a baby when there’s another child to talk to and help and read to and do projects with etc. etc. etc. I had forgotten how challenging it can be to be a mom of only one! I much prefer the challenges of being a mom of two.

After I put Gregory to bed (at 10 pm! I wonder how late he’ll sleep tomorrow) I took my toothbrush to the other bathroom and brushed my teeth. The mirror in that bathroom has a portion that is at a 45 deg angle to the rest of the mirror, and while looking in part of it I noticed that I have a big clump of hair missing from my right temple. The left temple is a little sparse too, but nothing like my right temple. I was shocked that I hadn’t noticed this before! I went in and asked Matt if he had noticed (which is kind of a dumb thing to ask him, as I think I could cut off all my hair and he probably wouldn’t notice without prompting) and he said that he hadn’t, but did see it now. I’ve been losing a ton of hair recently, but I figured it was just the whole post-partum hair loss thing and I didn’t think much of it. But now that I think about it more, it does seem like more than last time… I wonder at what point I should get concerned about this. (More so than I am now, I guess!) Now I am hyper-aware of this though, and I’m wondering if I have any other bald spots hiding on my head. I’m a little scared to look!

Hmm… anything else to blog about? Oh, yes, Emma and I are going to plant pumpkins, popcorn, sunflowers, and some beans (ones that are meant to be used dried, primarily) over at my parents house. We’re hoping to start this week. I wanted to plant things that wouldn’t require a lot of harvesting and care, hopefully these will do the trick.

Oh, and one more thing. I saw someone link to this today and I thought it was pretty funny. I wonder though, just how many children does one have to have in order to be classified as “reproducing like rabbits”? Around here I think anything more than three does it, but perhaps the threshold is just more than two. I wonder if this is similar to other parts of the country, or just other urban areas? I think I’m looking forward to falling into that category though, whatever the threshold. *grin*

OK, time to try and do a little reading and then I’m going to bed before it gets too ridiculously late. Good night!

I’ve been noting more quotes in what I read and I think I’ll start posting some of them. I read awhile back on Melissa Wiley’s blog, Here in the Bonny Glen, a great suggestion for keeping track of quotes. She takes a post-it and sticks it to the back of the book and writes down the page number and perhaps a brief note. Then when she’s done with the book she goes through and types the quotes in her quote journal on her computer. I was trying to keep a paper quote journal, but it just wasn’t working for me… but this method has been quite successful so far.

So on that note, here’s a quote that Barbara Coloroso quotes in her book. I believe this gets to the heart of a fundamental truth.

“True obedience is a matter of love, which makes it voluntary, not compelled by fear or force.” - Dorothy Day

In this past week I’ve finished reading For the Children’s Sake, by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay and Kids are Worth It!, by Barbara Coloroso. They are both excellent and thought-provoking books. I really recommend both, although I have a caveat or two for the Coloroso book. (Namely that there are times, especially towards the beginning, where she awkwardly segues into a “gee, if everyone just parented like this there would be no wars and we’d all just sit around and sing kumbaya together” sort of ridiculousness - but the book it still worth it as she has a lot of really useful things to say, and more importantly some really useful real-world tools and tactics to use and teach your children. She also focuses more on adolescents and teenagers, but there are still worthwhile things to be found for parents of younger children… especially if you parent in a more AP way, this book gives you some really good ideas on how to continue in this sort of vein as your children get older.) OK, that was a long aside, sorry about that.

This evening I was sitting at my desk, looking at the two books and some of the quotes I had noted, and realized that these two books have a lot in common. Sure, one is about parenting and the other is about education, but they both have the same sort of goals and ideals at heart. This is from Macaulay’s book:

The children are respected and accepted as valid persons. But they are not left on the island of their own limited resources. Through careful choice, they are norished with the best we human beings have to offer: mind is introduced to mind, child to nature and activities.

Pray that our children may be so educated in a total life that they are enabled to have clear, realistic, and true thinking and action based on thought and principle. May they be strong personalities, free of self and external pressures so that they will have the power to do what is right.

Even though Macaulay wrote it, the sentiments expressed would not be out of place in Coloroso’s book. Both books are nominally about their respective subjects, but they both are really about how to raise decent, disciplined and moral human beings. Both authors give parents the tools and information so that they can think about how to foster and support their children’s growth and development, but Macaulay focuses more on the educational side and Coloroso on parenting practices and transcending the day-to-day foibles of maturing children.

Macaulay is heavily influenced by Charlotte Mason, and does a wonderful job of picking out just the right quotes from Mason’s various texts on education. Macaulay also has quite a bit of her own to say, and the grace and wisdom that she imparts is extremely worthwhile. She takes Charlotte Mason’s writings and grabs their very essence, then encourages and inspires the reader so that they might have some idea of what to actually do with Mason’s educational philosophies. Her approach is not formulaic at all though, rather it is detailed enough for the reader to get concrete ideas of what to do without feeling as if a course of study has been set in stone.

As an aside, I’ve seen Macaulay’s book mentioned in the same context as Charlotte Mason Companion, by Karen Andreola, but they really are for different audiences. I tried to read Andreola’s book but I found myself muddling through it, reading but not really sure what to do with what I was reading. It was interesting, certainly, but it seemed like I was missing crucial pieces of information along the way. I think Andreola’s book will be more useful once I have more experience and more concrete questions, however it is not a particularly useful book for someone who is just starting out.

Let me close this rather scattered and odd review with a quote from Macaulay’s book:

The life of education has to include the whole of our humanness. We need to relate as persons to the God who is there, to be nourished with good ideas through books, art, music, history, literature, etc. We need to relate to other persons, to know and be known. We need the beauty of nature, and we are made to respond creatively in speech, music, through art, etc. We need to know the limits of law, and yet the freedom of our separate choices.

Since I just wrote a post on Emma, I figure I should write one on Gregory as well. He is an amazing little boy, and we are all so enjoying him. He’s really started to laugh now, and it is always amusing to see what makes a baby laugh. Today I was wrapping a present and curling the ribbons. The first time I did it he startled a little bit, but got it under control. The second time I did it, he thought it was hysterical. He laughed this wonderful, full, delightful baby laugh every time I scratched the scissors along the ribbon. It was really marvelous, and I was somewhat loathe to stop!

He has two teeth now, and I’m kind of wondering if there might be another one in the works by how much he’s chewing on everything. He’s taken to nipping when I’m trying to get him to nurse and he’s not that interested. Thankfully I’ve learned from Emily’s recent experience with this and I’m not pushing nursing when he’s not interested… even if I think he should be! *grin* Today for his afternoon nap he nursed a little bit, nipped at me which made me pull back, then stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked for about 20 seconds and fell asleep. I just watched him, thinking, “alrighty then, I guess you’ve got it covered. I think I’ll just go see what your sister is up to”. It is amazing how the same parents can produce such different babies! I am so looking forward to seeing what future siblings are like… but, um, not yet.

When Emma and I were making cookies, I had Gregory in the sling… but he wanted to stand and be totally facing the happenings, which did not work well with the sling. I had to keep one arm around him to keep him in the sling, which rather defeated the purpose of having him in the sling in the first place! I remembered that Emma had recently pulled out the Baby Bjorn and I thought that I would give it a try - we used it all the time for her, but Gregory has never been in it. I got him situated in it, and he really enjoyed it. The little arms and legs were going at full speed pretty much the whole time - waving, kicking, squawking, you name it. It was a full body experience for the little guy. I feel slightly bruised and my shoulders are a bit sore (that’s what I get for trying to start with a 14 1/2 lb 4 month old rather than working up to it natually as the baby grows!) but I think he had a good time. It also helped wear him out I think, because he went down at about 6:45 and he’s been out ever since.

Oh, and I was able to submit the paperwork for Gregory’s social security card. I went there on Friday afternoon and only had to wait about fifteen minutes to talk to a very nice young woman. She took my pediatrician’s statement, midwife’s statement, birth certificate and form and showed them to her supervisor who bequeathed her blessing on my documentation. Yippee! I was afraid they were going to require something else and I was going to have to do the trip out there again. In three to four weeks I should have his card, and then I can be done with all this!

Matt is out with some friends this evening, and Gregory went to bed early so Emma and I have had a very nice evening together. It was very refreshing, really, and I think we both really enjoyed it. We made chocolate chip cookies, tortellini with a tomato sauce and green beans with pinenuts for dinner (its what she picked), and then baked apples for dessert. While we waited for the apples to cook, I did the dishes and Emma did a rather neat art project. She wanted to draw some flowers, but didn’t really know how to go about doing it. She asked me to draw dotted lines for her to trace and then color, but I opted to find a coloring page on the internet and printed that out for her. I tend to be rather anti-coloring book, but using coloring pages occasionally can be a lot of fun because they are almost always just a starting point for her, in ways that coloring book pages have never been. This time she colored the four tulips on the page several different colors (and did quite a nice job too), then she wanted to cut them out and make a garden scene. She carefully cut them out with her little scissors, then I helped her with making the ground and the grass, although she did most of the brainstorming and work. I did make two little dandelions for her, but she glued it all together and it is now sitting on the table. Tomorrow she wants to add a little fence for it, and she’s already picked a place to put it on the wall. After that it was time for dessert, and we both enjoyed our baked apples. I marvel at how she can eat only half of a dessert and just be done with it - no feeling that she has to finish it even if she’s full. It makes me feel like I’m doing a good job as a parent.

Then it was off to get in PJ’s, brush the teeth, and read a story. We read the second to last chapter of The Horse and His Boy (We are both really enjoying the Narnia series - I am so looking forward to reading them with her when she’s older so that she can see the other layers to the stories!), cuddled, said our prayers, and then I left. About 10-15 minutes later I heard her door open and little feet pad out for a bit, then I heard her door close again. At first I thought it was just a trip to the potty, then I realized I didn’t hear the appropriate sounds, so I went up to make sure she wasn’t looking for me. She explained that she had to go out to find a bookmark, because she just finished reading the first chapter of The Magician’s Nephew and she needed to mark her spot before she went to bed. I sort of blinked and said, “oh, well, ok - did you find one?” She nodded happily, showed it to me, then climbed back into bed. I just sort of chuckled, closed the door, and shook my head. She really is a remarkable little girl.

Having a baby at home? Wonderful, peaceful, and serene.

Trying to register the baby with the local and federal government? My goodness, I am about ready to tear my hair out!!

First I had to call the county office in charge of registering births and deaths. He sent me an information packet which I had to fill out, and then I had to call to make an appointment to go to his office. Two weeks later Matt, Gregory and I all had to troop down to Oakland (45 min away) to fill out more forms and show them that there is actually a baby. Matt had to be there to sign as a witness to the birth. Then the nice man typed up our forms, had us approve them, and sent them over to the office of the recorder so that the birth could be officially recorded. This takes the recorder a 6-8 weeks, but at least you can call them to find out if it has been completed, rather than having to go there and ask.

Yesterday I went down to the county recorder’s office (again in Oakland) and waited for about 45 minutes to get two copies of his birth certificate. Thankfully all I needed for that was to show my driver’s license and pay $38.00. Expensive pieces of paper, but at least I didn’t have to pay the $40 for a notary, which you need to do if you want to request it by mail.

Now for the social security card. I read the instructions carefully, and found that not only do I need the proof of citizenship (i.e. the birth certificate), I also need something that shows proof of identity. Let’s see… Driver’s license? Ha! Life Insurance policy? Um, no. Marriage/Divorce records? LOL Military ID card? Yeah, right… So I have the Social Security office a call and talked to a woman who had never answered this question before. (I must admit, I did feel a moment of pride there - how often can they be stumped?) She looked some things up, and found that if I could get his original medical records or a statement from his pediatrician that Gregory exists, then I could use that. So, then I called his pediatrician’s office and told the receptionist about my dilemma. She had no idea what to do either, but she wrote a note to the doctor who’s the head of the group and hopefully he’ll know what to do. I know other people who have had homebirths and go to this practice, so as long as the doctor takes the time to read the note from the receptionist and does what he needs to do, I think I’ll be set. Then it will be off to Hayward (30 min away) to register for his social security card. And then we’ll have to wait however long it takes to actually get the card and his number, and then I’ll (finally!!) be able to file our taxes (and yes, I did file an extension) and get our refund. Phew!

By the time I’m done with this, I think I will have spent more time trying to fulfill the needs of the bureaucracy to register this little guy than I did giving birth!

In thinking more about the discipline situation I described below, I started to consider how I would have treated the situation with Emma at different ages. I thought it was interesting to see how my approach changed as she matured, and I thought I would post about it.

At one, I would have said, “uh-oh, Emma, knives are dangerous. I want you to be safe, so I would like you to play with this instead.” As I said this, I would have slipped the knife from her hand and quickly replaced it with something more age appropriate.

At two, I would have handled it as I did below - going up to her, squatting down, asking for the knife, easing it out of her grasp if she did not willingly relinquish it, and thanking her for “giving” it to me.

At three, I would have said either “Emma, please put the knife back in the picnic basket” or “Emma, please give me the knife”. I generally could ask her this from across the room, but if she did not comply I would then go closer to her, make sure I had her attention, then ask her the same thing again. After she did what I requested with the knife, I would say, “Thank you for putting away the knife”. I might let her set up the picnic with the knife at this age, if I were available to supervise closely.

At four, I would probably just let her set out the knife with the other picnic stuff, provided there were no other children playing with her. At this point I trust her enough with it that I feel confident in letting her set up a play picnic with a table knife, even if she isn’t being closely supervised.

I’m not sure if this is interesting to anyone else (ah, gotta love blogs - everyone gets their own private soapbox), but I found it fascinating to see how I react to a situation based on my assessment of the child’s abilities. I also found it interesting that I immediately went to the two year old response when I was dealing with my nephew. I’m not sure if that was a subconscious reflection of where I thought he was at, or if I decided to err on the side of using the technique I use on a younger child just to be on the safe side.

I appreciate people’s comments on the previous post, btw, thanks!

A paving company is going to replace the road at our condo complex next week (if it ever stops raining, that is!) and they sent around a flyer describing when different portions of the complex will be closed. One of the sentences on the flyer is, “Our goal is to make this project as inconvenient as possible.”

Oh, gee, thanks!

I’m curious what other people do when they have to do something with a child that is not their own and who is parented in a different style than you are accustomed. I had a situation come up today that I’ve been thinking about and I thought I would write about it.

Today we were over at my parent’s house where Emma’s cousins are staying while my step-sister and her husband are away for the night. The children were allowed to get out a picnic set, and happily set to unpacking it. The adults forgot that there were knives in the set (not terribly sharp, but still metal knives) and since I was the adult who was not holding a baby or making dinner, I went over to confiscate the knives. One was being brandished with abandon by the most rambunctious of the three and the other was in the grasp of the 20 month old, a situation that did not make the adults feel very comfortable. I first approached the three and a half year old to disarm him, talking to him like I would Emma. I squatted down slightly, held out my hand, and asked him in a normal, measured voice to please give me the knife. He said “no, I want the knife” but held it out slightly towards me. I put my hand on the knife and told him that it was not safe for him to have the knife and I thanked him for giving me the knife. He looked at me with considerable confusion as I gently slid the knife out of his hand, thanking him again for giving it to me. He then pitched a fit, wailing “but I want the knife” which then turned into a sort of general wailing howl. I turned to his sister, disarmed her in a similar fashion (to which she had no problem at all), then turned back to her brother. I squatted down, patted him on the back, and thanked him again for giving me the knife. He continued to howl, and I stood up and walked to the kitchen, placing the knives on the counter where no one could reach them. He wailed for a bit, but in a few minutes, everything was fine again and he was playing with Emma.

Personally, I think this is how this sort of situation should be handled - quickly and firmly, but politely. I can’t know how his parents would have reacted because they weren’t there, but I learned from my mom that his parents tend to negotiate with him or try to talk him into doing what they want him to do. I think this is absolutely the wrong way to go about parenting a child, especially when you are dealing with a situation where personal safety might be involved. However, this is their choice - they can choose how to parent their child how they best see fit.

At first I felt I did the right thing by approaching the situation as I would with Emma. Later though I began to second guess myself as I wondered how I would feel if Emma were being cared for by someone who felt that screaming and hitting a child was the best way to obtain compliance and proceeded to yell and smack her in a similar situation. (just the thought brings tears to my eyes!) Granted this isn’t exactly apples to apples since what I did didn’t cause any physical harm and I didn’t scare the child, but I did make him wail, which his parent might not have appreciated.

So my question is - did I do the right thing by treating this child and this situation as I would with my own, or should I have honored his parent’s parenting style and tried to talk him out of the knife?