I decided to read Parenting in the Pew by Robbie Castleman because Emily listed it in her spring reading list and it caught my eye. Being largely new to this whole practice of raising children in the church, I’m always watching out for new books and ideas that will help me as I try to pass the faith along to my children.

I received my copy from the library via Link+ (all the way from Azusa Pacific University!) last week and I quickly read through it. The book is quite short - only 139 pages, including appendixes - and is written in an engaging, conversational style that is quite easy to move through even if you don’t have a lot of time on your hands for reading. Even though the book is short, I think it is well worth reading, even if you already agree with her main argument.

Castleman’s main purpose in writing the book is to get parents to think about why people go to church every week, and why they take their children there as well. She argues that it should not be for entertainment, fellowship, to keep the family busy, or just because it seems like the right thing to do but that it should be for worship. God wants us to worship him, and perhaps more importantly (at least for the purposes of this book!), God wants us to worship him in community. All of these other reasons for going to church aren’t necessarily bad, but they really are besides the point. They are the reasons we’ve created for going to church, not why God wants us to go.

After laying out her central thesis, Castleman proceeds to discuss just how to teach your children to worship, rather than to just sit quietly and not cause any heads to turn. She remarks, I think rather usefully, that many adults never really figured this out either, and that many of the people in the pews are really just doing the grown-up version of what they spent their childhood doing - namely not making anyone notice them while they silently counted the number of pews, tiles on the ceiling, or ear hairs on the old man sitting in front of them. Many adults raised like this eventually learned that there could (and should!) be more to church than this, but they lack the knowledge or tools to know how to pass this along to their children. They also don’t know how to keep focused on worship with their sometimes distracted and fidgety children next to them!

Castleman has some very good suggestions for fostering and teaching worship for a variety of ages, and has some thoughts on how parents can keep their focus on worship at the same time. The main caveat is that this book is somewhat less than useful for parents with children under the age of four as she advocates checking them into the nursery rather than bringing them into the service. She does suggest that this nursery try and teach the preschool age children about the order of the service and the appropriate responses rather than just entertain them with a verse, a song, a cut and paste exercise and a snack, but I feel that this is definitely a weak point in her book. However, this may in part be due to her church service and style. Her service, being Presbyterian, is quite different from what I’m used to (Episcopal and Catholic) and that long sermon does sound like it would be a challenge with very little ones. In my opinion, the shorter homily, followed by the liturgy of the Eucharist in both of the traditions I am familiar with seems much easier on children, but that’s really another issue entirely. Suffice to say that I think younger children can do more than she expects of them, especially in a church setting where the Eucharist is the focus.

I’m glad I read this book because it has made me think more about how I can involve Emma more during Mass. I know she’s usually paying attention, because she will answer Father’s rhetorical questions (quietly, thankfully!) during the homily, but she’s old enough and mature enough to start doing more than just exchanging the sign of the peace. On Good Friday and again on Easter I reviewed with her beforehand the appropriate responses to the readings, and we talked a bit more about some of the other responses during the liturgy. She tends to say them after the rest of the congregation has said them, but at least it is a start. I’ve also gone back to very quietly narrating to her what is happening and what is going to happen next. Even though she knows it, the reminder seems useful and it keeps her more engaged. Both of these services I attended with just Emma at my side, however, and I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to do this with Gregory with me as well. I think that I may take the easier road and continue to only bring Gregory if Matt comes as well. It perhaps isn’t the best route, but I think it is about as much as I can do at this point.

I’d be very curious to hear other parent’s opinions on this book! Emily, have you had a chance to read it yet?