I was listening recently to a podcast of Heart, Mind & Strength radio recently and the focus in the first part was on budgeting. I liked what Rachel Watkins had to say about making sure that your keeping your priorities in mind when you’re figuring out your budget - i.e. being able to keep someone at home with the kids, being able to work at something you truly enjoy rather than a job that pays a lot but isn’t fulfilling in other ways - but I always find it somewhat annoying that suggestions on how to trim down a budget always revolve around reducing the money spent on frappuccinos, dry cleaning, breakfasts and snacks on the road and other completely unnecessary expenses. Generally the mandatory expenses like your rent/mortgage, groceries, utilities, etc. are considered sacrosanct. I find this very misleading though, because generally just cutting out the truly frivolous expenses like those mentioned previously are not going to make going from one income to two incomes work. And if they do, well, yikes that is a lot of money to be throwing away every month!

I think that in order to make our priorities happen, we have to be willing to look at everything.  The whole mindset and attitudes we have about our perceived needs and wants has to change. We need to be willing to examine even those sacrosanct items like our living situations, utility use, gas use, grocery budget, everything.    I think that a lot of people spend far more on these things than they need to, but since they are considered “mandatory expenses” they don’t often stop to consider if they should be buying that house, living in a house that size (with the corresponding increase in utility costs and upkeep), renting that nice apartment, driving that particular car or even living in that particular part of the state or country.  These changes are not easy short-term changes like cutting out the frappuccinos, but they are the changes that can make lasting change and make it possible for our deeply held priorities to actually become realities.

I know some would argue that there is a quality of life issue - that they wouldn’t want to live in a smaller house, rent rather than own, eat more simply, live somewhere else, etc.  However, from the perspective of someone who has done all these things so that we could have me home and save for a house I think the sacrifices are well worth it.

What I find particularly surprising and interesting in this is that once we got used to this new lifestyle, it started to feel rather abundant in its own way. The way we used to live now seems ridiculously extravagant. Matt and I were talking about this last night, when we decided to jettison our plans for a broccoli tofu stir-fry in favor of steak. About once every four to six weeks we do this - we abandon our frugal dinner plans for something more out of the ordinary. We tend to eat meat only about once a week, and even then it generally is in a crock-pot dish or some sort of casserole.  Because of this, Matt occasionally gets a hankering for a steak or some other big chunk o’ meat.

In how we used to live, we would have just gone out to dinner, ordered a bottle of wine and whatever we wanted, paid the tab (probably $50-$60) and been on our way. At this point in our lives, the very thought of doing this is laughable. We might do something like this once a year on our anniversary, if that. It just isn’t in the budget and really, we don’t miss it.

What we do instead works really well for us, costs at least a third of the price, and is a much better experience for the whole family. What we did was we went out to the grocery store, bought a big steak (well, for us at least), a nicer bottle of wine than what we usually get, green beans, a loaf of sourdough and some smoked gouda cheese. When we got home, we sliced up the bread & cheese for an appetizer while we made dinner as a family. The kids got to run around rather being confined to their chairs as in a restaurant and Matt and I got to spend some nice time together in the kitchen (which we always enjoy!). The meal turned out really well and a good time was had by all. (And wow can Gregory eat steak! I think he ate more than I did) The total cost, including what it cost for the things I had on hand? Probably about $18 - quite a bit better than what it would have cost at a restaurant. And we had a lot more leftovers too!

Even though this is an extraordinary amount for us to spend on one meal, it seems a far more frugal choice than the other option. Of course we could have just stuck to our dinner plan and had our broccoli, tofu and rice while wishing we were eating something else entirely… and sometimes that’s what we do. But I think that it isn’t unreasonable to build in a little space in the budget for splurges like this, especially when they are thought of as splurges and therefore are all the more appreciated and enjoyed.

What I find most remarkable about this though is that in our previous way of life, this would have been considered a poorer and more meager choice - whereas in truth it was far richer and more rewarding than anything we could have done back then.