Wow, it has been almost a month since I’ve posted last.  I have a lot to say, but not a lot of computer time in order to say it…  and I’ve been so tired it has been hard to try and sort it into some sort of coherence.  I still can’t exactly hope for coherence, but since I’ve gotten tired of writing blog posts in my head when I can’t sleep in the middle of the night I figured I would at least get something posted and perhaps my nocturnal brain ramblings can fix on something else.

So, let me see.  First off, I’m pregnant.  Matt and I are really happy about this, and we do know how this happens, thank you very much.  :-)  And while we both somewhat wish there was a way for me to gestate without it affecting me physically or emotionally, we’re  very much looking forward to meeting this new little person sometime in early June.

The main drawback of the pregnancy so far, other than the fatigue of course, is that I’ve become horribly smell sensitive.  My pregnant body has decided that the trailer smells absolutely and horribly repulsive.  To top things off, I’ve also become quite claustrophobic about the trailer, making it virtually impossible for me to be in the trailer, much less actually do anything useful in there like cook or do dishes or even sleep.  After struggling with that for several weeks (and repeating to myself “It is all in your head, it is all in your head” over and over again, which then would inadvertently turn into “I’m going to die, I’m going to die” without me noticing) I finally gave up and started staying at other people’s houses for the night.  I was first at a friend of the family where my MIL was house-sitting, then we were able to move to Matt’s grandparents.  Emma and Gregory and I have been staying there every night since approximately the beginning of the month.  I’m much less tired since we started doing this, and I has helped with the nausea quite a bit.  However, it means that we only see Matt during the day when we’re out working on the property (he’s taking Nov. off to work on the house).  He doesn’t have any problem with the trailer at all - he’s reverted to Matt the Mountain Man (albeit one who lives on frozen pizza, burritos, and spaghetti rather than varmit stew) but it works perfectly well for him.  The kids and I miss him though, and the situation is a little lonely at times for him too.  It is very strange to see him during the day then have to say good-bye to go off to our respective dinners and beds - quite the opposite of what most daddy and family relationships are like!

So, that brings me to the next point, trying to figure out what’s next.  We need to be moving on from Matt’s grandparents soon, and we really need to figure out a way for the family to be together more - especially since Matt is going to be going back to work the first full week of December.  Our options, as I see them, are to either a) move back to the trailer, b) get a different trailer and move into that on the property, or c) find someplace else to rent for awhile.  I’m leaning towards c), since the whole trailer thing makes me feel ill and panicky at this point.  I feel that I have reached my limit in regards to what I can take, and I’m not feeling all that happy about it.  I had always had my suspicions that I probably could not have made it as a pioneer wife, and now I feel quite certain about this.  Oh well, I’m a wuss, there’s no two ways about it.  *sigh*

I started looking for apartments a couple days ago and I have a few leads.  I am having trouble getting a hold of people, but I imagine that once people are back from the Thanksgiving holiday it should get easier.  I’m hoping to find something in the next week or two.  We don’t have a lot of money for this, but I’m hoping to at least find something with washer/dryer hook-ups and maybe even two bedrooms.  I’d be perfectly happy with one (throw the kids in the bedroom w/ bunks and their toys, and put a futon in the main room for Matt and me) but I’m not entirely sure that someone is going to be willing to rent a one bedroom to a family of 4.  I think it is worth a try at least though, if it can save us some money.

And speaking of money, we’ve recently been offered a way to dig ourselves further into debt, and we’ve decided to take it.  This will allow us not only to pay for the things that we absolutely need (like, you know, lumber and siding - yes, we had budgeted for that, but everything ends up being far more expensive than it was quoted as) but also hire some help for putting up the walls.  We realized that if we were going to just rely on ourselves as well as occasional volunteer labor, it would most likely be years before we’d be in the house.  Really, this whole owner/builder thing is not the greatest situation.  Either you need to a) build something very small and cheap (preferably somewhere with lenient/non-existent building codes and cheap land) or b) be ok with working on the project for years.  I really only think b) works if you don’t have kids and you are fortunate enough to have a fairly reasonable living situation in the years where you’re building.  Otherwise, really, I think it is a completely insane endeavor.   And since weren’t smart enough to do a) and b) is clearly not going to fit our circumstances, we opted for c), which dig a bigger hole and hire some people to help get it done.  After all, its only money, right?  *sigh*

Well, on that note it is time to get off the computer and get to church.  We got out of the house too late to make it to the 9:30 Mass, but I decided to keep the out of the house momentum going and we went to the office to wait for the 11 am Mass.  We didn’t get to shower last night (and we needed it!) so our whole morning routine took longer than it generally does - especially since I still haven’t completely adjusted to the additional time it takes to get Gregory ready to go.

I hope all of you who are still reading this are doing well, and that your lives are less crazy and chaotic than mine is.  :-)