1.  I read this column last night by Emilie Lemmons and I was profoundly moved.  I’ve really been thinking about this part:

I rage against the possibility that I might die and leave my children motherless, my husband a widower. Even though the medical odds are against me, and my rational mind knows I could die, it is hard for me to accept death as an outcome.

What if I just let go of that? What if I trust that even if I die tomorrow or next month or next year, things will somehow work out? What if I allow myself to put the outcome in God’s hands and just live intensely in the present, absorbing and embracing life as it happens? It’s not indifference or admitting defeat; it’s seeing the bigger picture.

My biggest hang-up with the idea of death is not dying in itself, but what I’m leaving behind.  Would my children remain Catholics?  Would they even remain Christians?  I have no idea, but I have a hard time seeing how it would happen.  I started thinking about this during my weekly discussion group a few months ago and I’ve been having a hard time working through it.  

2.  I also really liked the quote Emilie wanted her husband to share after her death.  It is on her blog, Lemmondrops.  It is very strange to scroll down to read older posts and reflect that the person who wrote those words is no longer alive on this Earth.

3.  Hmm…  starting with death is quite a beginning, isn’t it.  

4.  Have I mentioned that I have a spiritual advisor and regular confessor?  It is a very good thing.  Most recently we were talking about how my fears show a lack of trust in God, and it was an epiphany for me.  I suppose this dovetails with #1 quite well, doesn’t it.

5.  Another thing we’ve discussed a lot is how God can turn anything - anything! - to a good for our salvation.  Not necessarily a worldly good, as in how we often think of things being good, but to our ultimate good.  This doesn’t happen automatically though.  It requires obedience, a willingness to turn aside from selfishness and worldly things and an acceptance the graces He gives us in every moment.

6.  Another thing I’ve been thinking about is pride.  I was actually thinking I was doing pretty well in this area, until I started reading an examination of conscience he gave me recently.  And of course, as he pointed out, patting my back about making inroads on pride is, well, pride.  *grin*  

7.  Several blogs I read have been writing excellent and thought provoking posts on what they’ve learned in the last year and how they’d like to improve in the next.  I’m having a very hard time making myself have that kind of introspection.  I find the busy-ness of everyday life far more comfortable right now, which probably means I particularly need to do this.  It is rather strange for me in a way because usually I’m one who likes to self-examine, make plans and lists and such.  Right now the only planning I’m comfortable doing is my school planning for the second term.  Now that I’ve finished that though, perhaps I need to sit down and make myself think a bit more about where I need to go.  [Edited to add:  I checked blogs after I wrote this (yes, procrastinating, thank  you very much) and I found a post on Simple Mom with a series of reflection questions.  I thought I would mention it in case anyone else is in the same situation]

Thanks, as usual, to Jennifer at Conversion Diary for the idea and for hosting this!